bricolage II 3/4

haven't showered for 48 hours; unusual, for me.  think that's happened only twice this summer.  both in the last two weeks.  maybe.  I will shower, after this, before reading brumit and turning in for the night.  early morning, tomorrow.  sort of.  meeting the new GEMMA kids and Jasmina, before rushing off to continue dealing with the visa headache.  spanish and hungarian bureaucracy combined is fucking...impossible.  lehetetlen.  not to mention that it's kinda ridiculous that I have to get the visa in the first place.  I already have a fucking schengen residence permit.  when will the queers without borders take over the world?

I was told this afternoon that I need to listen to the parenthetical girls' album, the one that contains within it a song called gut symmetries.  winterson.  gut symmetries.

mailed something westwards, yesterday.  something...important.  seaside rock.  I'll paint you in blue and yellow and green and orange and deep purple and then let the wind carry you away as it, as you, must.  you are grains of sand blown into my face blinding me turning my cheeks raw you are budapest dust in my lungs on the soles of my feet you are maine winter air at times still at times slicing through drawing blood forcing life you are gritty kl streets unwillingly written into my history.

you are...larger than I make you out to be, and then, smaller, sometimes.  still the shapes and colours we paint will come to life and travel their own ways who knows if the lines and new geometries we create will intersect at points interweave at points get entangled at points.  but for now--a somewhat successful disentanglement--and we are freer, sadder, better, for a while.

freer to pursue explore other loves and lives and beings.

I've been in love with you for a while now.

I have a spanish mix to listen to I have a seaside rock painting to finish (it will never get finished, I don't think) I have a life to sort through and pack and partly put away for a few months I have 40 x 50cm cuts of wood and eleven tubes of paint to play with and a can of fluorescent orange to spray with I have friends to leave behind and new people to look forward to and memories to bring from sepia to colour -- I have another life lying in wait and I'm trying to let go of this one.

what's with today today?

she told me I needed to apply to phd programs.  I want to do art, I said.







just how long will these days take / waiting for an earthquake / seems one already came // when the buses are electric / you don't gotta be so quick / writing up your name // cause in the plate glass city here / we built things pretty dear / they'll all go down in flames

[circlesquare]


lie down / just give it up / dance with me // lights out / falling away / into me // don't stop / just let it go / come with me // stay down / cause you're burning me up / dance with me

[uh huh her]







from Written on the Body, Winterson:

I don't want to be your sport nor you to be mine.  I don't want to punch you for the pleasure of it, tangling the clear lines that bind us, forcing you to your knees, dragging you up again.  The public face of a life in chaos.  I want the hoop around our hearts to be a guide not a terror.  I don't want to pull you tighter than you can bear.  I don't want the lines to slacken either, the thread paying out over the side, enough rope to hang ourselves.






szeretlek nagyon.

it feels like time for an update of sorts.
I bought my first road bike a week ago.  it has no name and two stickers.  blue gray black pink chrome skinny wheels and flippy gears.  black handlebars, nem sárga, mint a tiéd.  looking at apartments for the summer, with one or two decent options so far.  putting principles and ideals about life and love into practice and...letting myself be surprised by the results.  magyar van egy nyelv szép, and some motivation is always a good thing.  who would've thought.  a csaj a sapkaval.  learning two languages at once (jól) requires a heck of a lot of effort.  nem könnyű.  magyar óra ended today and I'm undecided at the moment as to how much I should focus on spanish, and how much I should try to keep improving my hungarian.  nem tudom, miért vagyok nem alszik -- van háromnegyed kettőkor és nagyon fáradt vagyok.

és most,
voy a ir dormir.  no puedo practicar más húngaro o castellano.

jó éjszakát kívánok.

[in the spring tiredness sets in because we don't hibernate in the winter.]







reflections of ourselves in other people.

amazing weather, and who feels like writing papers?  I know I don't. 
I'd rather be outside with you.
tossing a frisbee, wrestling, or just laying around.  something. (else).

dublin in two days; I'm excited.  we're flying from sunny to rainy; strange, that.
got an unexpected email today from a couple editors--an emo
journal entry's going to be in a book.  interesting, that.

trying to just focus on what needs to be done in the present
a challenge, cause there's so much planning to be done
for the next five, six months.

bought a cheap (good) ham last night:
made (green) ham and eggs earlier in the day, and then
ham onions and green beans over spirally pasta tonight with company.

then apples and cheese and "we're very french today."
yes, and lunch with you tomorrow and perhaps I'll hear some news
and maybe later I'll see you too?  maybe.

before I leave for dublin on thursday
to meet the homeland
of music that touches (my) soul.


[my phone beeps.  it's you.  screw tomorrow afternoon's paper writing; I'm going to be outside instead.  ;p]

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