bricolage II 3/4

The only dream worth having is to dream that you will live while you're alive and die only when you're dead... To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.
-- Arundhati Roy







from Written on the Body, Winterson:

I don't want to be your sport nor you to be mine.  I don't want to punch you for the pleasure of it, tangling the clear lines that bind us, forcing you to your knees, dragging you up again.  The public face of a life in chaos.  I want the hoop around our hearts to be a guide not a terror.  I don't want to pull you tighter than you can bear.  I don't want the lines to slacken either, the thread paying out over the side, enough rope to hang ourselves.






szeretlek nagyon.

it feels like time for an update of sorts.
I bought my first road bike a week ago.  it has no name and two stickers.  blue gray black pink chrome skinny wheels and flippy gears.  black handlebars, nem sárga, mint a tiéd.  looking at apartments for the summer, with one or two decent options so far.  putting principles and ideals about life and love into practice and...letting myself be surprised by the results.  magyar van egy nyelv szép, and some motivation is always a good thing.  who would've thought.  a csaj a sapkaval.  learning two languages at once (jól) requires a heck of a lot of effort.  nem könnyű.  magyar óra ended today and I'm undecided at the moment as to how much I should focus on spanish, and how much I should try to keep improving my hungarian.  nem tudom, miért vagyok nem alszik -- van háromnegyed kettőkor és nagyon fáradt vagyok.

és most,
voy a ir dormir.  no puedo practicar más húngaro o castellano.

jó éjszakát kívánok.

[in the spring tiredness sets in because we don't hibernate in the winter.]







reflections of ourselves in other people.

amazing weather, and who feels like writing papers?  I know I don't. 
I'd rather be outside with you.
tossing a frisbee, wrestling, or just laying around.  something. (else).

dublin in two days; I'm excited.  we're flying from sunny to rainy; strange, that.
got an unexpected email today from a couple editors--an emo
journal entry's going to be in a book.  interesting, that.

trying to just focus on what needs to be done in the present
a challenge, cause there's so much planning to be done
for the next five, six months.

bought a cheap (good) ham last night:
made (green) ham and eggs earlier in the day, and then
ham onions and green beans over spirally pasta tonight with company.

then apples and cheese and "we're very french today."
yes, and lunch with you tomorrow and perhaps I'll hear some news
and maybe later I'll see you too?  maybe.

before I leave for dublin on thursday
to meet the homeland
of music that touches (my) soul.


[my phone beeps.  it's you.  screw tomorrow afternoon's paper writing; I'm going to be outside instead.  ;p]






things are looking up, I said.

I wonder what april's going to be like.

--

caught in the deep / wait for a sign / I couldn't keep the flowers under my pillow / alive
falling asleep / with half-open eyes / I wanna see the lights of san francisco / at night
wait / but I won't say that I'm sorry
watch / as I burn my bridges down
and all the time / I kept it inside / you leave me no room to bleed

- ben lee

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